ACHC Chairman's Blog

Calf sprain stops play

2011-11-29T12:55:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago, I turned up half-way through the second half of a Men's 1st XI match, prior to umpiring the following 3rd XI match, to notice that our captain, Warren, was on the sideline. I asked him why he wasn't playing and he said he had a hamstring. This is a problem I am familiar with so I helpfully said that the way I had avoided hamstring recurrence, was to wear thermal leggings, at which point I raised my shorts to show that I was indeed wearing said apparel. Warren laughed and said he wouldn't be seen dead in tights, at which point, I sniffily remarked that he would in that case probably be spending a lot of time on the sidelines.

The 1sts finished and we prepared for our next match, Bob umpiring opposite me, and in due course the match commenced. A few minutes before half-time a goal was scored and as I jogged back to the half-way line, my calf seized up. Umpire injured stopped play for 5 minutes, and after resuming, I was only able to hobble a few paces. After the match finished we went down to the clubhouse for some beer and tea, and Warren noticed me limping and, laughing, then asked why my thermals had failed me. Sadly, I had no answer.

This week I had hoped my calf had healed, and I intended to play 3rds, but, (and even with thermals on), my calf went again after 10 minutes, and although I made a couple more attempts, my playing time was very limited. Fortunately, the 3rds went on to record their first point of the season, equalising from a short corner with the very last hit of the game. I gave a cheer, and I think I pulled my calf more. However with the general excitement and relief and having at last earned a point, having come very close in several previous matches, the pain was soon forgotten.

Sunday I umpired a couple of games: our two U14 boys teams played each other and ended up a goal apiece in an end-to-end game, and then our U18 girls played Banbury in a super England Hockey match that our girls lost 2-3, but were pushing hard for the equaliser in the dying seconds, Hannah in goal having also saved a penalty flick.

So, my calf is still sore, and I'm still hobbling a bit, but I plan to give it another go on Saturday, after all, Christmas recovery time is just around the corner. Anyway, if I can't play, a limping umpire is (contentiously) better than a not-so-smug thermally lined limping sweeper.

Just five more minutes

2011-10-30T12:20:00.000-07:00

I was reminded at our committee meeting last Monday that it was a while since I'd written anything, so the first win of the season seemed like an opportune moment. It is of course, always nice when the first win of the season is in the first game, but sometimes that doesn't happen, and it's a few games before that magic moment. We'd started off with a 2-2 draw, which given we'd been 2 down, seemed like a win, but it has taken a month for the first real win to materialise. Following our magnificent 3-0 victory, we adjourned to the Tring bar for some chips, ruminations, Man-of-the-match and donkey. Our discussions were delayed by half the team deciding to go to Tescos, and then back up Tring high street, despite the fact that the pitch is almost visible from the clubhouse, and Tescos was on the other side of the road from the clubhouse. This very nearly won the donkey award, but in the end, Steven won it for the weediest goal ever scored, being back heeled a few inches over the line by the opposition keeper, from a shot which Dec (or possibly George) described as 'even my granny could have stopped that'. However, Steven balanced it up with the man-of-the-match too, a feat his dad had managed a fortnight previously. Normally we don't like award-hogging, but in the case of a man-of-the-match also being the donkey, we're prepared to make an exception.

After the 5s, I went to umpire the Vintage, only to be requested to play, which given that the Vints are in a different league, you are allowed to do. I'd like to point out that I am a year too young, but given that the previous week Sean's daughter had played, I don't think that anyone thinks that means anything. Still, just thought I'd mention it, before I join the FABS next year (Fifty And Beyond Society). Whew, Canterbury were good. I thought we played out of our skins to just lose 0-4, especially given the fact that last year's champions had lost 0-8 to them the previous week.

After a beer with the Vints, I returned to Newlands to umpire the 4ths, who were beaten by a strong Wycombe side. Good match again though. And so finally to today's match, and the piece-de-resistance, the U14 Development As (one of our joint sides with Gerrards Cross) against Milton Keynes. We started off at breakneck speed and after 20 minutes were 3-0 up, 2 from Tom M, one from Joe, all in open play after some strong approach work, after the MK keeper had saved several times. MK shuffled their side and brought on some new players, and in 5 minutes before half-time scored 3 to draw level, 2 from short corners. From the restart, MK powered forward to catch us on the hop and went ahead. MK pressed forward, and only some great saves from William and last ditch defence kept them out. Finally ACGX broke forward and Tom M scored again for his hatrick and to draw level. Almost from the off, ACGX attacked, but MK once again replied with a well taken breakaway to take the lead. After that, it was end-to-end, as ACGX pushed for the equaliser again, with Tom M having a goal disallowed for being high from a short (the umpire commented that he felt bad having to disallow such a great reverse stick goal), but it was MK who caught us on the break for a 6th and then almost immediately a 7th. The game looked over but still it was end-to-end with Tom M again scoring from a short to bring the score back to 5-7, and then with 5 minutes to go, and ACGX pressing increasingly hard, Will forced home a short corner rebound to make it 6-7. Could ACGX come back from 3 down as MK had done earlier? All the parents on both sides were now screaming furiously as every player on both sides was playing flat out, as MK went for a killer 8th on the break and ACGX pushed forwards desperately for the equaliser. ACGX pressed still harder with a minute to go, and with MK pinned back in their 25, the MK keeper made a great save with the end of his toe, and then again in a one-on-one from Tom B, when the final whistle went. Elation from MK at having hung on, and rueful smiles from ACGX, but both sides shook hands and chatted excitedly, the umpires commented on what a great game it had been, parents commented on how pleased they had been to make the trip for such an exciting match, and I'm not sure whether it was the parents or the boys who were more flushed. Nick said he was sure that with just 5 more minutes they could have equalised and maybe even won. Sometimes it's a shame when somebody has to lose, but a match like that is what the thrill is all about.

Inches matter (or cm if you are metrically inclined)

2011-01-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went into our match with Bracknell undefeated in the year and brimming with confidence. That is to say, we played our first match of the year last week and unexpectedly we won. Surprisingly, I even scored. This week we knew we had a tough opposition as they beat us convincingly at the start of the season. It was a great match, half adults and half older juniors on both sides, and fairly evenly matched. After a goalless first half, thanks in large part to some excellent keeping from Harry, Bracknell finally scored with 10 minutes to go. Cue a spirited drive from A&C to equalise. With 30 seconds to go, we hit the outside of the nearpost. Bracknell immediately drove up the match and with A&C having committed players up front to equalise, Bracknell broke into our D and with the last hit of the game crashed the ball in off the inside of our far post. By such small margins are matches won and lost, or in our case drawn and lost. A really entertaining match though. Congratulations to Jasper for his first ever adult game, and along with Harry, our joint man-of-the-match.

As we were the late match, rather than return to our clubhouse we retired to our 'Sunday room' in the pavilion by our pitch. We find that at 6 o'clock on a Saturday evening, few people want to travel to a clubhouse away from the pitch, as they usually need to get away for parties and dinner, and this also impacts on our ability to hire the clubhouse out on Saturday evenings, which is needed commercially to make the club viable. Our pavilion is a little run down, but with two teams in there, some beer for the adults, some cheese and pate on baguettes, and some comfy sofas, it was a great atmosphere. It shows what a difference it makes having a clubhouse by the pitch, and hopefully when we get our new clubhouse by our new pitches, it will give the club a fantastic social environment.

This morning I watched our U14 boys against Aylesbury, which was another good game, although won 5-1 by Aylesbury thanks to a late very skilful and fast addition to Aylesbury's side who scored 4 and set up 1. Jake scored a blinder reverse into the top right corner to pull us back to 1-2, but Aylesbury's goal machine scored 3 in the last 10 minutes to put the match beyond us. Excellent play by all our lads though, with the goalie, James, once again the man-of-the-match for a string of super saves.

Afterwards, as one sport is not enough, I went to watch Jamie's football match second half. Jamie was playing the team at the top, and they showed why with some excellent football, though with Prestwood hanging in. 2-1 down with 10 minutes to go, the opposition broke through and the ball was destined for the bottom corner when Jack got a hand to it to turn it round the post.

The week before, Harry didn't have much to do, and sometimes neither do James or Jack, but this week all were called upon on many occasions, and both stepped up, and it took some excellent goals to beat them. That can be the way with goalkeeping, whether football or hockey: periods of relative inactivity, followed by frantic activity, and to balance that is not easy, but crucial to all sides, so well done to all goalkeepers everywhere that stand between the posts.

Rushing about

2010-12-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

I've missed posting for a few weeks, as my home internet connection has been down. This has been commented on, so it appears that I may have some readers I wasn't aware of, so thanks very much, whoever you are. I'm hoping to be more regular going forward. It has also made arranging teams very hard, as we use a web based team selection and notification system that really makes it easy, and it wasn't accessible. It's hard to imagine how we ever managed without broadband.

Saturday I needed to be away fairly quickly after the match, though I did act as lead for the opposition convoy back to our club first and stayed for 15 minutes for a slice of pizza and some chips. We were due to be skating in Winchester so all a bit of a rush. However, even 15 minutes is important for keeping the social side of the club going. All the opposition came back which was good to see, although I'm sure they were happy to celebrate their 5-1 win. It was a really good competitive game though, against a team that are top by some distance, and we had played well and had even had a couple of extra chances to score (one mine). As seems to be the form at the moment, after the match I was voted Donkey again, for missing the goal at one end, and presenting the opposition with a goal at the other: my missed tackle wild flap at the ball was widely admired.

We made the skating, well I didn't as it took half an hour to park the car, although I wasn't desperately fussed as I am pretty rubbish. Next day, we had to get back, as the U14s including Nick had a game at Newlands, and my eldest had a cup game in Prestwood (though football rather than hockey). Nick and co. had a great game, which ended 3-3, with A&C three times coming back from a goal down, lots of other goalmouth action and end to end hockey. A game that was really enjoyed by all the parent spectators of both teams, with considerable cheering throughout, and a great last game before Christmas.

I do aim to try to do some exercise over the holiday, though I suspect that may be limited if the temperature drops below zero. However, it's the thought that counts.

Donkey for the season

2010-11-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

Saturday I had been selected for the 3rds, as the team I normally run wasn't playing, owing to a cancellation because of half-term from our opposition. A home match at a nice time which I was looking forward to. Afterwards I would have a short break before umpiring the Men's Development (Badgers) side, mostly U14s. Crispin rang me up to say a couple of his lads had had to drop out and could my youngest Nick join as a substitute. Nick was very happy about this, his first ever such match, although getting ready took slightly longer and I was a tad late for the 3rds. When I arrived the 3rds were in fact playing, and I looked at my watch in surprise and thought they must have started a fraction early. Then there was a strong whistle and all the players started shaking hands. My hand went to my head: I'd turned up for the end of the match. I apologised profusely. Thomas said that in response to me mail "see you at 3pm", he had twice sent me an email saying "no, 1.30", but I think he could have sent me twenty emails and it wouldn't have made any difference - I had 3pm fixed in my head. Fortunately they had 12 players, so it wasn't a disaster. I joined them down at the club for a drink, and mentioned that I had been voted Donkey the previous week. Ben promptly said that this made me 'Donkey for the season'. Harsh but fair.

A little later I umpired the Badgers, a really good match which were losing 0-1 until John got a bash on his lip half way through the second half and had to go to hospital for a few stiches. I came on as a substitute and someone else took over as umpire, and the final score was 1-5. I did score our goal, but I'm not sure my overall contribution was that positive! However, fab to play with Nick on the same team.

Yesterday Nick played again in an U12 vs U14, to replace another cancelled match, again because of half-term. A really good match, where the U12 played terrifically well to limit the U14 to just a 3-0 win. We will have some very good Hockey players in these groups. Overall, a good weekend, but I am clearly going to have to work harder to avoid being Donkey in future.

Voted Donkey

2010-10-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

After our matches we vote on Man of the Match and Donkey. The former title is obvious, the latter is reserved for the daft mistake or something else on the day that merits the perpetrator winner of the title. Yesterday I was voted Donkey, unanimously, in fact even I voted for me. What did I do to deserve this ignominy? And this after I had just given up my time to umpire the previous match too. Well I thought I did what used to be called 'playing in the spirit of the game'. We went one down, and then pulled one back to draw level. The game had just a few minutes to go when one of the opposition burst through our defence towards me, and unfortunately the ball hit me on the foot as I tried to defend our D. The umpire blew for a free hit just outside the D, but alas I knew the ball had hit my foot inside the D, so I confessed my mistake, and the umpire converted the free hit to a penalty corner. The opposition took a short push in and cracked the ball across for the same guy I had fouled to steam in and deflect the ball into the roof of the net. It was a very good goal, but Bob, as my left back couldn't believe I'd owned up. He wasn't cross, just disbelieveing. We pressed for another equaliser but just a couple of minutes later the final whistle blew.

Sitting in the bar after the match, Bhavik, our Man-of-the-Match asked me if I'd own up again in a critical league match and after a moment's pause, I said I would. Winning is good, or at least avoiding defeat, but for me the way the game is played is important too. I'm afraid therefore that I can envisage being voted Donkey again.

Quid pro quo

2010-10-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

At the start of the season, my son Dan passed the ball to me on the edge of the opposition D and much to my surprise I scored a cracker into the top corner. Last week I had a shot saved by the keeper at 1-1, with 10 minutes to go, but Dan pounced on the rebound and scored his first ever goal and the winner. He confided to me afterwards that he'd slightly mishit it and the ball nicked the post as it went in and for a moment he thought he'd missed it. However, a goal is a goal, especially when it's the winner and your first.

This week, the 5ths didn't have a game, so Dan played for the 4ths, and I played for the Vintage against a good Reading side. We lost 2-5, partly due to me turning up late (and 2 goals down) whilst I sold my car. Despite my apologies, I did feel obliged to buy a jug afterwards, which I have to say disappeared very quickly. I think the proceeds from my car sale may be rapidly accounted for.

Today I watched the U14 Boys Development team play their first match of the season against Wycombe. Our boys went 0-2 down with goals either side of half-time, but then picked up the tempo, and in an excellent second half, pulled a goal back and would have got an equaliser but for some excellent saves by the Wycombe keeper. The last 15 minutes was end-to-end stuff as A&C went for the equaliser, and Wycombe went for the killer third, but in the end it finished 1-2. Well done to all the boys, many of whom were playing their first full pitch 11-a-side, and three of whom had played earlier for the U12s in a mini-tournament. I don't think they'd realised just how tiring running over the whole pitch for an hour is, but in the last 15 minutes it didn't seem to matter as both sets of parents cheered them on furiously in an exciting finale.

Squash and chocolate chip cookies in the pavilion rounded off the afternoon. When they win, I'll get out the fizzy stuff - Fanta that is.

New season

2010-10-03T12:29:00.000-07:00

So here we are at the end of the first league weekend of the new season, with all teams in action and some junior matches too. It has been a while since my last post, so this one is a bit of a catch-up. This comes after a busy pre-season including a number of friendlies following our open day at the start of September which was extremely well attended by the men, the ladies and the juniors with a number of new faces which was fantastic to see. On top of that, the planning application for the redevelopment of Newlands (including our two pitches and a clubhouse) has been formally validated and is out in public for consultation. The new training schedule has been up and running for several weeks and is also seing lots of older juniors, and seniors working on fitness and skill. Sunday mornings has been expertly run as usual by Emma, and load of new faces, especially the littl'uns who are playing quickstiks with slightly lighter sticks and slightly larger and lighter balls, which is really good for teaching them the basics. Busy, busy, busy.

Yesterday I played in the 5ths, having previously umpired the 3rds. We had a really good game, but were undone by some fantastic crisp passing and finishing by the juniors in Bracknell's development-style team. On a couple of occasions I was completely bypassed by the Bracknell youngsters moving at speed and passing the ball into the goal. While I don't like losing, I had to admire their ability and teamwork. In a couple of years time, I don't think I'll even get close to them, not that that will stop me trying. Last year, I played the first couple of 5th's games with 9 players, and the other teams were playing with 11 or at best 12. Yesterday all the men's teams had at least 12, and we put out a Vintage and a Badgers, so we have increased the depth of our playing force.

So well done to the team that has got the season up and running, don't forget to work on fitness, try and pay your subs on time, and let's support the planning so in a year or so we are playing on some brand spanking new astros.

Hot and humid

2010-07-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was my umpiring assessment for Level 1, having completed my 3 training games. David had offered to assess me, while umpiring the other side of the pitch. It was a top-of-the-table summer 1st XI league, so no room for error. As well as that, the A&C side had our county disciplinary officer, Mark, playing, who is also a good umpire. After a slightly dodgy start, while I got into the pace of the game, it didn't go too badly, and I'm pleased to say I was passed. Mark and David briefed me at the end on what I had done well and not-so-well: need to use my voice more, and need to improve my presence and commanding signalling. Actually I really enjoyed it, and it was definitely helpful to get some critique too, so I can get better. I know that a few others are being assessed over the summer, so hopefully we should be well equipped with umpires going forward.

This evening was the last of our family hockey evenings, which have proved very popular. Dan and I arrived a bit late, thus neatly missing the warm-up, to see Millie, aged 2? trotting onto the astro with her 18 inch stick, ready to play. She immediately realised that a pink top and shorts was not suitable and went to the bibs bag to put on a fluorescent orange bib, roughly the same height as she was. She then started repeating the word 'gum' as she batted a ball about: we had no idea what that meant though. I thought an adult ball was probably not ideal so I went off to get her a quikstiks ball (bigger and lighter and easier to hit for littl-uns). On returning with the ball for her Mum, she was looking very smug with her elder brother's black gum shield hanging out of her mouth; good to see that she has realised the importance of safety gear at such a young age.

Given it was our last summer session, we decided to get split into groups and get straight into some small games. It was very hot, so I thought that would be fine in lieu of a warm-up, though I was proved incorrect as I was completely stuffed by Ellie for the first goal inside ten seconds. As last week, after a refreshing drink, we had a 12-a-side (actually might have been 13, and as we had 3 goalkeepers, they were swapping round after each save or goal). I believe I saw some of the adults running (and falling over) at various points, but I'm pleased to say we were usually outclassed and definitely outpaced by the juniors. My side were again one down after about 10 seconds (Ellie again?), and looking like shipping more, but came back to equalise with the last hit of the game. I believe the goal was scored by my umpiring assessor David, who despite being a Level 2 umpire, had been previously breaking a fair few rules, but had come good at the end. Fortunately his son Hugo doesn't seem to have inherited any bad habits, and was frequently steaming down the right wing. Squash and Penguins (biscuits, that is) rounded the evening off.

With all this summer fitness work, I fully anticipate us being ready and raring to go for the start of the season, which is starting with a club-day on the 4th of September (more details soon). Have a great holiday and I'm looking forward to seeing you all come September.

Family evening a winner

2010-07-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

As it is the close season, it has been a couple of months since my last post, for which I must apologise as I think you are supposed to be regular with them.

Last Thursday, and the one before we have been trying something new, which is to try and get parents to come along and try Hockey with their children, and maybe encourage a few to join us for the season proper. Many of the parents were previous players who put their sticks down some years ago. Years ago, I used to play on the left wing and I used to practice hitting the ball across the face of the goal while running flat out for our then centre forward Andy to deflect in (harder than it sounds, especially on grass). Thursday, Andy turned up with his daughter Hannah, along with 24 or 25 others. We split the group in two, one half 'beginners' and one half 'current players and pros'. We practiced a few of the new foundation skills recommended by England Hockey, Andy commented that it was very different to how he remembered it.

It was very hot and humid, so we had to break for drinks on a couple of occasions, and after the second break we got everyone together for a final full pitch match of 12 a side. Ages ranged from 7 or 8 I think, up to 50 (maybe more), pushing only for safety. I played at the back in order to make sure we weren't caught out by the opposition forwards Elizabeth and Mae (aged 7 or 8) who had decided to goal hang in the hope of bagging the winner, but then chatted nicely with my goalkeeper Jack.

The game raged back and forward with neither side able to achieve the breakthrough, and although very entertaining ended goalless following a last second save by Jack to deny Amy. Just before the end, the ball broke through to me and after intercepting it to prevent Elizabeth or Mae slotting home, I moved the ball wide to safety in preparation for a pass up the wing. In came Andy with a absolutely crunching tackle (foul), accompanied by a lot of laughter, and "It's alright, it's only you!" Now that's what I remember, and it seems the game hasn't changed so much after all.

Awards and prizes

2010-04-25T08:25:00.000-07:00

For most clubs, it is customary to have awards ceremonies at the end of the season, and to say thanks to all the helpers, usually at an end-of-season dinner. We're no different, with a marquee outside the club house. This year we decided to maximise the use of the marquee by having a junior party and awards ceremony on the Friday evening before the main club supper. Great attendance at both and lots of folks getting their rewards and thanks for all the effort they have put in through the season. One of the littl-uns was almost too shy to collect his prize and went up with Dad, but apparently clutched his prize closely for the rest of the evening. As is always the case, there are a large number of people who help out to make the club work, and it's not possible to thank them all individually, but everyone always knows who those stalwarts are. Any hope I had of winning player of the year for the 5ths was dashed when I realised that you can't vote for yourself, so as I got no votes, Josh got it instead, deservedly I must admit. As usual, the organisation by Emma, Rowie and Martin was flawless, and it was great to see such a good buzz about the place. I had to leave at 12.30, as I was shattered after taking Nick to Go Ape earlier in the day, but the party was still in full swing when I left, with the dance-floor full.

Although the season is now officially over, there are still some tournaments, summer matches and festivals to look forward to. In fact the U12 Boys team which Ravi was managing had a tournament in Milton Keynes this morning, and Sarah was helping with the Bucks Girls this afternoon; you have to admire the resilience of the Hockey fraternity to be able to turn out like that the day after the club supper. I popped round the club this morning to see if there was any clearing up to be done but the place looked surprisingly tidy, I'm sure that was due to Hannah and Warren and others in the early hours, so many thanks to them. So now is time to recharge the batteries and enjoy some occasional hockey in the sun to avoid getting too rusty, and help keep up the fitness.

Last match drama

2010-03-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our last game of the season. Unfortunately it wasn't a great one as I got a puncture by the M1 en route to West Hampstead with half the team in the car including all our keeper and his kit. Having felt the steering feel a bit odd, I had pulled over to inspect the car, and had found a rear nearside nearly flat tyre, which deflated completely in the following couple of minutes. The boys actually found it all quite entertaining, and were quite happy chatting and admiring some of the flasher cars going past. Last time I changed a tyre it didn't take that long, and we were in plenty of time, so I wasn't unduly worried, even though I had previously never changed a tyre on this particular car. However, this soon proved a rash assumption, as it took me over 10 minutes just to get the emergency spare out from underneath the car, during which time the rain had started pouring down. Finally the spare was on, and we repacked the car, including the punctured tyre, which meant that all boys were now covered in sticks, bags and other kit. We were now late and getting later, not helped by a top speed of 50mph on the spare, actually I had to limit it to 45mph as any more and the car felt very strange. Lying in a puddle under the car getting the spare out didn't leave me in the best frame of mind for a match, not helped by the fact that when we finally arrived 20 minutes late, West Hampstead insisted we start immediately without even allowing time for our keeper to kit up, or properly organise ourselves. By the time our keeper Harry got on the pitch we were one or two down, and 6 or so down after 20 minutes before we had fully sorted where we were all playing. We finally lost 10-0, which given the dreadful start wasn't a bad effort. Man of the match was probably our keeper Harry, playing his first men's match, who made a string of good saves after he got on, and I just hope this hasn't put him off as I feel sure he is a keeper for the future.

I didn't get time to get a new tyre on Saturday, which was a problem as I needed the car Sunday morning to ferry my son and Tommy up to Milton Keynes for an U12 minis tournament. Saturday evening I spent looking for somewhere open on Sunday for tyres, so well done to Chiltern Tyres in Little Chalfont who were ready for business at 9am on Sunday morning and had me back on the road in half an hour, even though I needed two new rear tyres rather than just the one, because of course you always find that another tyre is looking thin as well (though not yet quite illegal I must emphasise). This did mean, with the clocks going back that I lost two hours sleep, but it was all worth it as Nick and Tommy's team did well enough to qualify for the next round.

Despite the fact this weekend was a bit of an unwanted drama, I've hugely enjoyed the season, and in general I think we have improved throughout. I'd certainly like to thank everyone who has helped us out, either as a player, umpire, or supporter, whether once or all season. I'd also like to thank James for doing such a great job standing up as captain at short notice at the start of the season and organising so well. We've lost more than we've won, but that has just made our victories all the sweeter, and even when we've lost we've shown some real grit and desire and a never give up attitude. The only thing left is to send James your votes for player of the season, for the end-of-season awards at the Club Supper in April. I've voted for someone younger than me, which won't give you much of a clue as I think only Bob is older (sadly Bob, this means that despite some stirring performances from you, I voted for someone else). Already I'm looking forward to rejoining battle next season, almost certainly slower, but with still undiminished ardour.

England made me late

2010-03-14T16:59:00.000-07:00

Andy rung me on Friday to pursuade me to umpire his match against City of Oxford, prior to my match in Staines at the end of the day. After promising to buy me a beer, I acquiesced, thinking that I could just nip down the M40 after the Oxford match. At 11.00, however England were 3-1 up against Holland in the World Cup, which doesn't happen often. I printed out the directions and worked out that I'd have to leave at 11.15 to be ready for the start in Oxford, so I could at least watch 15 minutes. Holland came back to 3-2, then equalised with an 'own goal'. It seemed unpatriotic to abandon England at that point so I rechecked the directions and thought that with a fair wind I could just fit in the end of the England match. Alas, Holland scored again and I rushed out of the house. Unfortunately the traffic was bad, and I didn't quite make it in time, but a spectator deputised for the first 5 minutes until I got on pitch. The pitch was a little bouncy to say the least, certainly not the pristine water-based pitch that Germany were playing on at the same time in the final against Australia, a match I had been hoping to watch. After a small beer, I drove down to Staines for the 5th XI match, which ended 2-2, but could have been 8-8, with shots saved off the line, disallowed, off the crossbar, and inches wide, with both sides pushing frantically for the winner in a match which, although it would only decide a mid-table position in the bottom division of the MBBO, you would think was the world cup final. Unfortuately, having scored both our goals, Avtar was hit by a lifted ball with just 5 minutes to go, and had to go to hospital with a shattered finger. A fluke accident, with no one to blame, just one of those things that occasionally happens. We wish him a speedy recovery. Into the clubhouse after a feisty match, and an excellent chilli and an entertaining debate on which of the boys most merited a lift home with Thomas in his Ferrari, which given it was a lovely day, he had taken to the match for a spin.
This morning, I saw the next generation of England players at our Junior Training, with Jamie (aged 3) expertly dribbling round a line of cones and then whacking the ball at his Dad (who could learn a thing or two I would say). Later, after getting back home, my eldest said that he had noticed the World Cup Final was on the BBC, so he had recorded it for me (well the second half anyway), so thanking him for his thoughfulness, I sat back to watch the last 35 minutes, with Australia 1-0 up. A fast game with some moments of fabulous skill, particularly the German short corner goal, which however proved insufficient as Australia won with a well taken short corner of their own and jubilation.
In relative terms though, a 3 year old running round his Dad was also a super piece of skill, and in the last 5 minutes of our 5th XI match on a Staines afternoon, it certainly felt like we matched the passion!

Quiz night

2010-02-28T10:51:00.000-08:00

After being thoroughly soaked in torrential rain during our 1-1 draw, yesterday evening I attended my first quiz night for some years at the clubhouse. After stocking up on drinks and recapping the day's results (a usual mix of wins, draws and losses), the 9 or 10 teams settled down to await the first questions. As is usual, I had no idea what some of the questions even meant, although others seemed trivially easy. The secret of any winning team is that what is double-dutch to one member is clear as day to someone else and most of your angles are covered. The winners had obviously got more angles covered than us, although we were only a couple of points behind at the final count. Most impressive was Dave remembering not just the required two but all six of the names of the Thundercats, who I had never even heard of. My 'O'-Level Latin from 30 years previously did come in handy at one point to get the Latin letter for 500. Some excellent debates were had about some of the answers in the team, with blame enthusiastically apportioned when the correct answers were read out to groans. An entertaining evening with our President's Numero Unos team winning (incidentally our President is also the organiser's Dad). Thanks to Rowie for the questions, fish and chips, organisation, prizes and bar-duty. The only thing she delegated was the question-reading to Davey, sitting on his stool by the bar recovering after being run ragged earlier (as I hear) by a 13 year-old, who did a fine job, barring the odd mispronunciation.

And so we'll now have to wait until next year for our next club quiz, where having learnt the names of the Thundercats, the question will instead be to remember the names of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or some other forgotten or obscure cartoon army. Looks like I may just need to be in a team with Dave again.

Chow down at 4pm

2010-02-21T12:12:00.000-08:00

Today I was reminded of how it used to be by my old colleague-in-arms Neil versus how it is now. When I first started playing adult hockey at 13 for Letchworth (and I was the smallest boy in my year), we all started outside the clubhouse on the grass pitches (weather permitting) at 2.15. At 4pm, matches finished, we washed the mud off in the showers, and convened in the clubhouse for teas and a beer, or in my case a weak lemonade shandy. At 4.30pm, the clubhouse would have Home and Away sides from 3 Men's and a couple of Ladies matches in it. Sometime around 7pm, our away teams would arrive, and the clubhouse remained heaving until at least 9pm, usually later.

Sadly, those days are no longer with us, as with astro pitches being in use throughout the day, we rarely have more than two matches worth of teams in the clubhouse at Chalfont Park at any one time, and with the pitches no longer being by the clubhouse, we often only get half-hearted attendance back at the clubhouse. I think this is a huge shame, as for me, win or lose, the social element is a key part of Hockey, and even if sometimes a little bit inconvenient, I would always encourage players (and supporters) to go back to the clubhouse.

Saturday was a rare example, despite the late 4.30pm start time, of both my team and the opposition returning to our clubhouse for teas, and finding a few of the Vintagers still there drinking some Rebellion (which I can thoroughly recommend). Of course, it had taken our opposition a little while to find the clubhouse, as they had failed to follow me down Rickmansworth Lane and had taken a sat-nav route via Denham. When they eventually arrived, baked potatoes and topping, tea and Rebellion were consumed. My son and I partook, even though we were going out for Moules Frites within the hour (and I still had room for a pudding).

A clubhouse by an astro is still the ideal, and I was reminded of this when umpiring the 4ths morning match in Newbury, where a new clubhouse has just been built next to an existing astro, and everyone from both sides stayed for tea. And of course, this is what our astro project is all about, and why we are seeking the funding pledges and all the hard work is being done by many people to help us get there. I look back fondly on the 4pm chow down, though not the muddy pitches, but if we keep pushing our vision, we can have both astros and a co-located clubhouse and the best of both worlds.

One win is all it takes

2010-02-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

After our huge loss a couple of weeks ago, last week we were looking forward to playing a team at a similar level to us. It was a generally even game, but we lost 3-0 in the end as the opposition centre-forward, normally in a much higher team but returning from injury, scored a hatrick in 10 minutes. Yesterday we faced a team that had convincingly beaten us 7-0 earlier in the season, so we were philosophical about our chances. At half-time it was still 0-0, but then it had been the previous week and we had lost. The second half started and after 15 minutes we won a short corner and to our delight, the ball was scrambled in by Steven and we were ahead. 5 minutes later, and Steven was put through to go one-on-one with the keeper and calmly scored the second. I couldn't quite believe it. Finally the opposition got into gear and started to apply the pressure. Our defence was becoming a bit untidy and with 10 minutes to go, they bundled one in (I think actually it barely made it over the line). The pressure continued to mount, with several last minute clearances by Tom, but the minutes were ticking away as we grimly held on, and suddenly the final whistle went. The backslapping, excitement and grins on everyone's faces, including our very surprised spectators, were priceless. Our web site lists wins in green and losses in red, and this season, with many younger players new to adult hockey, we've been mostly in the red, but all those losses were forgotten with our unexpected win. In my last post I suggested that hope springs eternal, but what a great feeling is hope fulfilled.

Outplayed but still unbowed

2010-01-31T09:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I played in my biggest loss in over 30 years. In fact I have been lucky enough not to lose that heavily since I was (I think) 14, in one of my first games of men's hockey for Letchworth Extra 5ths. It was an away match, on a bumpy grass pitch, and it was cold and miserable, but I remember we went 2-0 up, and then I hit the crossbar. I don't know what went wrong, but somewhere along the line, we let 13 goals in, to lose 2-13. Saturday we weren't even allowed to score a goal, although we did force their keeper into a couple of saves, as we were totally overrun by a very good Milton Keynes side. We had arrived to find one end of the pitch still partly frozen, and had to wait while efforts were made to defrost it. Unfortunately, as it was a water-based pitch, someone had the bright idea of turning on one of the water cannon to try to unfreeze the offending part of the pitch. As you can guess, with the temperature below zero, this didn't work too well. Later when we left, the entrance was like a sheet of glass. Nevertheless, with the opposition chomping at the bit, we started, and were a goal down inside a minute. I won't say how many we let in, but the gap was more than 2-13. It wasn't even that we played badly, it was just a mismatch, and if it hadn't been for our keeper Louie playing a stormer, it could have been more. Our lads played through to the end, and didn't give up, and in fact weren't even disheartened: we all knew we were completely outgunned. Pasty, beans and a big mug of tea in the MK clubhouse later (right by their astros), and we were looking forward to next weeks match, against a team in a similar position in the league to us. Hope springs eternal.

Much later in the day I played as one of the adults in the Badgers match against Aylesbury. I had expected to umpire, but I ended up playing. By the time we started it was 5pm, and was really getting cold. Unfortunately we had to abandon it part way through the second half as the pitch was freezing into slippery concrete as we played, and was becoming too dangerous, which was a great shame because it was a good even match, with all the boys on both sides, mainly 12 year olds, playing well.

Earlier today, I was privileged to watch a top notch game of U16 Boys hockey between Gerrards Cross (and some of our Amersham boys) and Oxford Hawks. I dropped my son Dan off, who was playing in the joint GX/ACHC team, and stayed to watch, which I usually don't get to do as I am usually umpiring or coaching another junior team. Final score was 1-3 to Hawks, although the third goal was only scored on the break a few minutes from the end after GX had been pushing hard for the equaliser. Pace, skill, position, movement, crisp passing, strong tackling, quick closing down to pressure the ball carrier, a couple of excellent reverse stick goals, and some great saves in a really close competitive match. Many of the boys were taller than me, and certainly quicker and more skillful, and are still getting better and faster, unlike me. Nevertheless, I plan to turn out next week against Ashford for the 5ths, and maybe some of my experience, if not my speed and skills, may still be of some use. As I said, hope springs eternal.

New stick starts but fails to score

2010-01-26T15:39:00.000-08:00

Having bought a new stick before Christmas, I was finally able to use it yesterday away to Leighton Buzzard late in the day. Of course getting used to the new stick was the reason why my passes went astray, I was unable to position myself correctly, mishit my shot at goal, and is understandably the reason my fitness was affected, causing wilting late in the second half. Fortunately I think some of the opposition had also been affected by the winter holidays, so despite my showing, we had a competitive 2-2 draw. It has been really good to see how well some of the boys new to adult hockey at the start of the season have adapted. The Leighton Buzzard clubhouse was conveniently on the way home, so even though it was late, we stopped briefly to be sociable, (and for a bowl of chilli while watching some of Spurs-Leeds on the big screen), before making our way back south.

When I got home I found that my eldest had gone out to a party at Frankie and Benny's in Wycombe, and that I had been volunteered to take a turn at picking him and a couple of his mates up at half-past-nine. On the way back, I commented on my aches and tiredness, and thus prompted, my son did take the hint and asked me how we had got on. Looking across at me, and at 16 enviably fit, he then suggested that I should go out for a run more often; I thanked him for his recommendation. He is right though, so I suppose I will have to try and make an effort; maybe I can make it a late New Year's resolution. In fact, I reckon many, possibly most, of us could do worse than following his advice. It just goes to show that maybe there's wisdom in youth as well as in the old men.

Seniors off but Juniors start the New Year's Hockey

2010-01-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

After several weeks of holidays, the league season proper was due to resume this Saturday, and I for one was certainly looking forward to brushing away the cobwebs and getting a run around. All last week we looked at the snow on the ground, hoping that the warm weather would arrive and allow us to play at the weekend. Dan and I were due to start at 10am in the 5s, so we were not hopeful. By Thursday we still had over 10cm of snow on an untouched pitch (see photo). The opposition for our home matches were ringing up to find out if we were playing, and our own away matches were being cancelled. A note from the league said that we had to wait until Friday 3pm to cancel for adverse weather so we hung on until in the hope it would look better. Although it had warmed up, the ground was still covered and eventually on Friday we had to send out our own cancellations, but we agreed that we would try to clear the pitch Saturday morning so that at least the Juniors could train on Sunday, followed by a county training session we were hosting.

I dragged my boys out of bed on Saturday to help, pursuading them with hot croissants. We drove down to Newlands at just past 10 to find that the warmer air and rain had almost cleared the pitch. There were a few small patches of slush but these were obviously melting fast. In fact the pitch would have been playable by lunchtime, sometimes though, you just have to make a call.

Sunday was a lovely day, and when we arrived for the second session, the little-uns were running around in their training matches. Looking around Newlands, you would never have guessed that this looked like the arctic tundra just a few days before. We had excellent attendance for all the sessions which was great to see, and Soma was teaching some new skills, which is always appreciated. In fact all sessions ran on a little so that everyone got a bit of extra time to get into the swing of things, prior to our first post-Chrismas junior matches next week.

As we were setting up the county session, one of the county trainers came up to me. It was Neil who now also runs part of the Juniors at Wycombe, and who I used to play up front with in the (pre-merger) old Chalfont 1s. Like me, he was finding that these days, hamstring problems often take their toll, and he was having a (hopefully temporary) forced breather. I never quite managed to outscore Neil, though I did come close one year. When he resumes in the Wycombe 5s, maybe he and his son will play against me and mine in our 5s. Old warriors never die, they just get hamstrung. And so, fingers crossed on the weather, and muscles and ligaments allowing, back to matches next week.

Boxing Day Matches

2009-12-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

Before the age of the astro, do you remember Boxing Day matches on grass? In the days before ACHC, when I played with Chalfont St Peter, there was traditionally a match on Boxing Day down at Chalfont Park, usually against either Amersham or Gerrards Cross. It used to bring out all sorts: die hards; fitness freaks who had had too much turkey and christmas pudding the day before; students back from college who had endured a couple of days at home with their embarassing families (I make a point of embarassing my boys whenever I can); and neer-do-wells who just fancied a bit of hockey between bouts of excess.

We arrived after lunch, starting off with a pre-match whisky, and someone usually brought a bottle of brandy for half-time. Generally, we played on the near pitch, so as to preserve the (1st Team) far pitch and reduce the groundsman's irritation with the idiots churning up the ground. On a number of occasions I believe our President Sam volunteered himself as goalie, on occasions playing in what looked like old cricket leg guards, and wicket-keeper gloves, and sometimes even disdaining a helmet. It has to be said, the ball was not hit quite as hard as modern sticks allow, no kevlar, or exotic stick shapes, and stick reinforcement was limited to taping the logo back on your stick. Still, some of those shots still fairly fizzed through the air when teed up on a divot: goalies knew when they'd saved a shot, and defenders nursed bruises from hits on their shins through their bamboo shin pads. Sticks were held vertically and there was no need for rules on edge hitting, after all, you try a reverse hit edge shot on a bumpy grass pitch and see where the ball goes. Matches were as competitive as the massive over-eating the day before and festive clothing would allow, and after sluicing the mud away in a hot shower, everyone adjourned to the bar.

Participants returned to their families after some beer, and frequently some singing, usually willingly, but at least reinvigorated and refreshed. If you remember all this, you must be a Vintager, in which case you enjoy a similar approach every Saturday, just without the mud!

Snow stops shiny new stick start

2009-12-20T04:13:00.000-08:00

Last week I justified to myself that I needed, NEEDED, a new stick: my son Dan has been growing, and has recently been borrowing mine; and I find myself less able to bend as low at speed as I used to, although in truth 'speed' is now a relative term and just bending is probably the issue. I decided to (generously I thought) give my son my old stick, and that I would buy a new longer stick.

So I went up to the Bucks Goat Centre, where you can try the sticks out; it should only take a few minutes I thought, after all I remember when all sticks were the same length and you just bought a lighter or heavier one according to preference. Today, choosing a stick you are now faced with a bewildering array of possibilities: length, weight, balance weighting point, bow depth, bow position, head shape, composite proportions for stiffness and damping, grooves, skill zones, not to mention the choice of colour and design (I saw one with some nice pink swirls but in the end decided against it). I think this is to optimise the drag flicking for internationals, but as this is a skill I've never been good at, I'm probably not best placed to judge what is good or not. In the end I chose a 37.5" light Kookaburra red and black stick with some carbon, kevlar and fibreglass in it, a small bow and a normal flat maxi head. Did I do good? You can let me know!

Yesterday, having been invited to play for the Vintagers the previous weekend, I was expecting my stick's first outing at Newlands. Friday we were (a little optimistically I thought) still due to play, but Saturday morning, after Nick and I had taken the dog for a walk (see below), the inevitable was finally accepted and the match was called off. It's not what it used to be. I can remember playing with a cricket ball in 4 inches of snow on the top grass pitch up at Berko. I seem to recall the final score was 1-0, as the ball only made one length of the pitch before we were all too exhausted and had a snowball fight instead. So, alas, my stick awaits the new year for it's first trial.

Have a great Christmas, and see you all for the second half of the season.

Festive Matches

2009-12-14T02:06:00.000-08:00

Unusually, this weekend was one where in 24 hours I saw players from every Men's side, and several of the junior sides, either as umpire, player, coach, spectator or fellow pub crawler.

Just prior to umpiring the Men's 4ths I saw the last few minutes of the Men's 1sts, who had their best win of the season, winning 7-0, including 3 goals in the few minutes I watched, one a spectacular flowing end-to-end move with the ball roofed to finish. Then I umpired my first match officially, and saw our 4ths match the 1sts with another 7-0 victory, and Andy celebrating his first ever hatrick. Over to Becky High for the Men's 5ths in which I was due to play, and caught the last 10 minutes of a cracking Badgers game: 3-2 in the end to Gerrards Cross, with 16 juniors aged 12 and 13 in the two teams, supported by Tony and a couple of our 1st XI who had doubled up and 3 Gerrards Cross 1st XI players also doubling up. For Pinky and Russ (our 1st XI seniors) playing their first Badgers, they were very impressed by the standard of play in the match and by all the boys. Then my match, playing the top of the table side, and despite conceding 5 goals in the first half to a strong all-adults side, we held them to 0-0 in the second, to keep the score at 0-5, again fantastic effort by everyone in the side, especially the 6 lads we had playing. Andy and Alastair who were also umpiring officially for the first time, having also just passed their Level 1 exams with me, kept good control of the game.

Back at our clubhouse, the Vintagers were drinking Rebellion, and pursuaded me into joining them in their last match next week, mainly as I claimed to have actually run back to make a tackle today, although when quizzed about it, my son who was playing with me in the 5s couldn't recall it. Hannah and Dave were, as usual and beyond the call of duty, helping get the clubhouse ready for a 40th birthday party for one of the cricketers, to help the club make some much needed cash. Off to Amersham for the Men's curry, and having arrived a little late I sat down and quickly ordered mine and a Kingfisher. Looking down the table, I realised that it was all 1sts and 2nds, and many of the guys I was expecting to see, weren't there. On enquiring, I found that they had been unable to get everyone in one place, and my team had booked elsewhere, so in fact I was at the wrong restaurant. However, with a beer in front of me, good atmosphere, and having already ordered, I stayed. Finishing up, we all went down to Old Amersham to meet up with my team-mates from earlier and Ben and his 3rd team, ending late after the Kings Arms, Swan, and Eagle, at the Elephant and Castle. A fantastic turnout.

Sunday morning, I took Nick over to Newlands for his U12 training, where in fact they played a Christmas mini-tournament. Apparently Nick scored 5 goals, though as usual I managed to miss them all. While there I saw some under 8s looking great in elf costumes and antlers, and a number of the U10s and U14s also looked festive in Santa hats and tinsel, as did many of our coaches. Mince pies were a welcome accompaniment in the pavilion to a cup of hot tea. Some of the hockey they were playing at all ages was really good, and shows how much they have all learned.

So I managed:
Men's 1sts - watched a few minutes, curry and beer
Men's 2nds - curry and beer
Men's 3rds - beer (missed the curry)
Men's 4ths - umpired, tea in the clubhouse
Men's 5ths - played, and beer
Badgers - watched a few minutes
Vintagers - tea and Rebellion in the clubhouse
U8s, U10s - watched
U12s - watched, coached a bit and helped kit-up the goalies
U14s (and a couple of U16s) - watched briefly

Phew. Hopefully next time I'll get to see some of the Ladies' sides. And so to Christmas. Have a good one, and try and stay fit for the second half of the season.

Mud vs sand

2009-12-07T01:18:00.000-08:00

Sunday I was reminded of the advantages of astroturf. My eldest son is, alas, a footballer rather than a hockey player. His last 2 games have been cancelled because of the state of his pitch, but his manager was determined that if at all possible they would play their twice postponed cup match.

Saturday night it rained heavily again, and was still raining when I left for junior training at Newlands. By the time I arrived, the skies had started to clear, and although the car park was still full of puddles, the pitch was looking fine. By midday when I umpired an U14 Boys Development match it was a beautiful crisp sunny day. Unfortunately our boys lost in a good match to a stronger Reading side, but our senior U14 joint side with GX did very well to draw 3-3 with Surbiton, a very strong club. A quick stomp of the feet to shake off any sand, and we were off home, expecting to find my eldest on Facebook with another cancelled match, but no, he wasn't there and they were playing. Although surprised, as I don't get to see him play much these days, I thought I'd nip down and see the end of their match.

Fortunately, the two teams' shirts were white and dark, because otherwise you'd have had a hard time telling them apart. Jamie had been got out of bed by his Grandad just after I had left for hockey to go and fork over the pitch to help it drain, but it didn't seem to have made much difference, because what I saw looked like the battle of the Somme. The centre of the pitch was a mud-bath: exhausted boys covered in mud to their waists and higher, slipping all over the place, as they frantically dug the ball out of the sticky clay mud, trying to find a bit of grass they could get the ball onto to kick it properly. 3-3 and extra time; boys with cramp lying on the ground, one boy sick with the effort put in, and still they played on to penalties with the sun sinking behind the Chiltern hills, with several boys so tired they just lay on the ground in the mud. Finally it was over, and Jamie had lost 5-4 on penalties. I borrowed a dog rug to put over my car seat to take him home.

Those of you old enough will remember playing hockey on grass pitches in the winter: the Saturday morning weather inspection to see if we'd be playing that day, the ball skipping up off a hillock of muddy grass, carefully putting the divots back after the match, the boot bag full of mud. I know on occasions it gets a bit wet and windy and cold at Newlands, but aren't you glad now that we play on astro?

Rain, rain, rain

2009-11-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning I went up to Eastcote with two bags of goalkeeping kit for our two U12 Boys teams for a mini tournament. One of our original 'keepers, Oliver, was down with swine flu (we wish him a speedy recovery), so we needed a volunteer to stand-in.

Most players would agree that when it is cold, raining and windy, standing still waiting for an occasional ball to kick is not top of the list of priorities, but up stepped Jack, keen to help. With Ravi kitting up the other keeper, one of the other parents and I struggled with straps and shorts from an adult kit that had got mixed in that came down past Jack's knees, but eventually got Jack ready as the first match was starting. 8 minutes one way and off they went, Jack's team drawing (a couple of kicks required). On the second match, Jack's team won with some excellent hockey. I was watching our other team at the same time so I didn't see it but as our boys dominated I don't believe Jack had much to do. The third and final match was against the other joint top side. Our boys attacked repeatedly, but couldn't find the goal, then with just a minute or so to go, the opposition broke out with a clear field towards our D and Jack. Out Jack stepped to meet the onrushing opposition attacker and met the shot with a perfect kick to clear the ball away to the right. Cheers and thumbs-up to Jack from all the watching parents, Ravi and I. Soon after, the final whistle went, and a 0-0 draw. Both teams equal on points, and goals scored, and goal difference, and joint winners.

High fives and pats on the back from his teammates, grins all round, and despite struggling to get the kit off in time for the presentations, Jack went up for his certificate with the adult shorts dragging round one leg.

Sometimes all it needs is someone to step up and make that one kick in the pouring rain.

More rules than you think

2009-11-27T12:09:00.000-08:00

When my son was umpiring a juniors hockey match for the first time a couple of weeks ago I told him that there were only 3 rules in umpiring to worry about:

Blow loudly
Signal clearly
You're always right

Apparently however, after attending a Level 1 umpiring course in our clubhouse, it appears that I may have misled my son, as there are in fact many more actual rules than this.

As the course was in our clubhouse, there was a good turn-out from ACHC, in fact several captains and both our players' reps attended. The course was over two evenings: the first a presentation on some of the basics and finer points of the game (if a ball breaks in half and only one half crosses the line, is it a goal? - has this ever happened to anyone?), the second a video demonstrating competency and incompetency in umpiring (I know which I was previously closer to) and then ... an exam. 26 years after I sat my last exam, I sat with my colleagues answering questions on "the height of the backboard", "personal qualities required by umpires" and "when to award a bully other than an injury" (the ball breaking in half of course). 60 marks out of 90 to pass.

When I was last in an exam, silence was the order of the day. In this case, after our Men's 2nd XI captain had moved to a table by himself so no one would laugh at his answers, the Ladies adopted a collaborative technique on one table, while the remainder of the men furiously and competitively scribbled in silence trying to be first to finish (it was me by the way) in between clarifying certain aspects of the exam paper with our tutor.

Thanks to Lynn for running this for us in a very entertaining way. Hopefully some more players (or parents) might like to learn to umpire too - it is much easier than you think, enjoyable and you'll be contributing to the success of our club too.

So now we await the results of our exams, though one of my 'umpiring colleagues' announced that he would regard anything less than 90 as a personal failure. In the meantime you will see us on the Hockey pitch in the coming Saturdays and Sundays, completing our match experience and assessments, at which point we may be the most qualified club in Bucks.